Another morning.
If only I never woke up.
The cameras smile and I am ready.
They watch me with respect.
They want me.
But what if they see how broken I am?
The light fades.
And my mask falls.
I did a good job.
Holding out.
But I kind of wish they would know.
That they could see.
The pain I’m in.
I fall away.
Run away.
Away from here.
To a place of solitude.
Where I drown in tears.
Then I go home.
Nothing is wrong.
Why do I cry?
I have so much.
Yet I am empty and alone.
Always alone.
At home I stare at a wall.
Where shadows crawl.
The doorbell rings.
My love.
She comes through the door.
Into my apartment.
We kiss.
She holds me in her arms.
You know I love you. More than anything. But…
… it hurts to be with you.
Even though I know you love me.
I know I am the one.
Yet I want you to say it.
Say how you love, how great I am.
Make me happy.
I rest in your arms.
In silence.
Just you and I.
I love you… I love you… I love you…
More than anything.
Then why do I cry at night?
In the morning?
When I am alone?
Because I am afraid to lose you.
To lose myself.
And everything I have.
The things I don’t appreciate.
Because I cry when I am loved.
I cry when I am alone.
All I want.
Is a memorable embrace.
Night falls.
Tomorrow I can see you again.
But one day you will be gone.Â
Forever.
I close my eyes and wonder.
Would it be easier if I never woke up?
Will there ever be one who understands?
One with whom I can share this pain?
A voice calls to me.
“You just found him.”
– An Old Memory
F. H. Hakansson 
I love its intense form and tone. Sensual but with a touch of tragedy.
Thank you! I’m glad the tragedy shines through and I’m glad you liked the poem.
This poem is so beautiful and with the just right amount of tinge. marvelous!
Thank you! It makes me very happy that you liked it.
I really like the way you’ve put this poem, I mean the structure (left, middle, right), it makes it jump out even more. It also makes you pause while you’re reading with just the right amount.
You really get lost in this poem and feel the pain while you’re reading it , even though it’s probably just a tiny part of how great the pain really is- it’s very clever and beautiful.
Thank you for responding on my post, I find that really motivating :] And I made that picture myself, it’s my eye ;).
Anyway I reblogged your poem 😀
xoxo
Thank you so much for you kind words! I really gladdens me that you like it and that you can fell the pain (not that I want you to be pained, but you know what I mean, hah). You are right. I tried to recall an old and painful memory that never can be recreated with words.
Well, you are a good poet. And you have a very nice eye 😉
Thank you so much for the reblog! 😀
xxx
Just caught myself reading this poem for the fifth time.
It really makes me happy that you like it so much! 😀 thank you yet again. It means a lot to me 🙂
I hope I see you post a new poem on your blog soon 😉
xoxo
haha I hope not, i’m never in a happy place when Im writing. Although the results sometimes please me 😀
Never ever? Does that mean you’ve never written a happy poem either? 😦
haha, well the results sure please me 😉 at least considering what I’ve seen so far.
Uhm. I think I did actually ;D. I wrote it and send it to a friend when we made up after we had a huge fight. Haha , well let’s post that one on my blog then (it’s an old one and probably not very good but I get a good feeling when I read it)
Alright I just posted it 🙂 check it out –> http://annessays.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/sixty-eight-say/
i seriously just read this out loud crying.
and thought to myself.
this is still so beautiful.
Thank you! I’m glad you still enjoy it 🙂 It really makes me happy!
Does anyone else think depressing stuff is beautiful? Okay, maybe that’s just me … Anyway, I loved this 😀 The beginning reminded me of what I thought straight after my modelling shoot, a few months ago, with the cameras, and the mask hiding what’s behind the pretty face. I can relate to this just too well!
I also find depressing stuff beautiful. That’s why I write it 😉
Let’s hope that you weren’t as depressed as the narrator after the shoot. That would be really depressing