Dead lover’s scribbles.

Dead Lover’s Scribbles

 

1.

 

Hollow.

A bottomless hole of perdition.

In my chest.

Instead of a heart.

 

 

 

“I love you,

always and forever.

These feelings will never subside.

I know this truly.

Because you are the one.”

 

 

 

These were not lies.

I know you meant it.

When you spoke.

People change.

 

 

 

What makes them go away?

These feelings of ours,

our affection for our loved one.

I will never know.

 

 

 

For mine never fade.

They never do.

Because I love –

always and forever.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

2.

 

Time, time, time.

You left me behind.

 

 

 

As I am growing older,

I realise,

loneliness is here to stay.

 

 

 

Because I meet You.

In your eyes,

I see the promise of redemption,

The cure for loneliness.

 

 

 

I think to myself

“Are you alone?”

Her body says yes.

Oh my heart – it beats again.

 

 

 

But bodies lie,

like the tongues of Demons and Judas.

She belongs to another.

Ah, but of course!

 

 

 

Those that make me wish,

Those that make me dream,

Those that make me hope,

Always love another.

 

 

 

For all are enslaved by the flesh,

and plunge into the arms of another,

along with make-believe love.

 

 

 

Truth is –

all can love all.

But chance bring  those unsuitable together in times of need,

and in those bonds they stay.

 

 

 

All I wish.

Is to love.

And I have been in a time of need.

Since I first slit my wrist.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

3.

 

We all suffer.

Even when not alone.

In the arms of our lover.

We hate.

 

 

 

For we wear our loves like a cloak,

a flashy jewel to call “mine.”

 

 

 

But is this fair love,

when the man across the street,

a man whom with you are better coupled,

cries himself to sleep,

just because you cannot,

even  for one second,

part with unrequited love,

to find the man screaming for help?

 

 

 

Today I go to bed,

knowing now,

this life is my future.

There is no one for me.

 

 

 

I have tried

Oh, how I have tried

To find the embrace of a lover,

to whom I belong.

 

 

 

From beginning to end,

I have done all,

in power and might,

to be a lover of legends.

 

 

 

To make memories that last,

be there no matter what,

a strong attractive soul,

protecting her from harm.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

4.

 

Horny, filthy creatures,

you humans.

You have forgotten love,

and instead fuck fuck fuck.

Of Stan’s bondage you are born.

 

 

 

Your lust and hunger

for the sucking and licking

of genitalia

clouds your mind from love.

 

 

 

With mouth given by God,

to speak his words,

you succumb to pleasures of fellatio.

 

 

 

And with tongue to taste,

flavours of life,

you lick erections,

the monument of Sin.

 

 

 

Did you flesh ever stop to think,

if what you feel is love,

or the penetration of a cock?

 

 

 

No.

Because you are still alone.

And sad.

And afraid.

Because the man in your arms,

is not the one for you.

 

 

 

Don’t you see –

your destiny lies with him.

That is why you are left alone.

 

 

 

5.

 

How ironic it is that a man with a golden heart,

and love for plenty,

will remain lost and forgotten,

because all other his age are lovers.

 

 

 

If he turns to the young,

untainted youths wishing for love,

the Blue men will come,

and the hammer will fall.

 

 

 

Is that wrong?

Can one writes laws for love?

Can one write laws for human desire?

Can one write laws for human will and lust?

 

 

 

No.

We suffer.

Because I am a sheep,

in the herd of law,

where love and lust,

become solitude and hurt.

 

 

 

I had my time.

To be young and alive,

yet back then,

they sneered at my face,

deeming me less than them.

 

 

 

Now they suffer,

because I have risen above,

where pain is even greater.

 

 

 

They want to look up,

at where I am,

and take my hand,

to share my supremacy.

 

 

 

Yet they don’t,

because of false bonds,

they refuse to break,

in the public eye,

but scour and hate,

when sleeping with another,

behind false doors.

 

 

 

I know this to be true.

 

 

 

The deceitful liars cheat,

and betray,

they deceive,

and pretend all is right.

 

 

 

I’m not like that.

I love,

and never hurt,

and never betray.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

6.

 

Dawn shatters the blackest night.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

you can leave your first,

and break your promise,

to be happy.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

that you do not belong,

and by leaving him,

you will both stop crying,

stop longing,

stop wishing,

for something that will never be.

 

 

 

Unless you trust yourself,

and leave,

to be with the one you love,

the one you think of,

and long for,

you will never wake up with a smile.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

we belong,

you and I.

 

 

 

I hope that the day you realise,

I belong to you,

won’t be during our appointed time,

with Death,

to whom I am heading.

 

 

 

His scythe appears above.

I wander towards him.

Alone.

 

 

 

I look around the void,

with no memories to call treasures,

with no memories of true love,

with no memories of a happy state,

and I wonder –

 

 

 

Why was I left alone?

 

 

 

– F H Hakansson