Dead lover’s scribbles.

Dead Lover’s Scribbles

 

1.

 

Hollow.

A bottomless hole of perdition.

In my chest.

Instead of a heart.

 

 

 

“I love you,

always and forever.

These feelings will never subside.

I know this truly.

Because you are the one.”

 

 

 

These were not lies.

I know you meant it.

When you spoke.

People change.

 

 

 

What makes them go away?

These feelings of ours,

our affection for our loved one.

I will never know.

 

 

 

For mine never fade.

They never do.

Because I love –

always and forever.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

2.

 

Time, time, time.

You left me behind.

 

 

 

As I am growing older,

I realise,

loneliness is here to stay.

 

 

 

Because I meet You.

In your eyes,

I see the promise of redemption,

The cure for loneliness.

 

 

 

I think to myself

“Are you alone?”

Her body says yes.

Oh my heart – it beats again.

 

 

 

But bodies lie,

like the tongues of Demons and Judas.

She belongs to another.

Ah, but of course!

 

 

 

Those that make me wish,

Those that make me dream,

Those that make me hope,

Always love another.

 

 

 

For all are enslaved by the flesh,

and plunge into the arms of another,

along with make-believe love.

 

 

 

Truth is –

all can love all.

But chance bring  those unsuitable together in times of need,

and in those bonds they stay.

 

 

 

All I wish.

Is to love.

And I have been in a time of need.

Since I first slit my wrist.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

3.

 

We all suffer.

Even when not alone.

In the arms of our lover.

We hate.

 

 

 

For we wear our loves like a cloak,

a flashy jewel to call “mine.”

 

 

 

But is this fair love,

when the man across the street,

a man whom with you are better coupled,

cries himself to sleep,

just because you cannot,

even  for one second,

part with unrequited love,

to find the man screaming for help?

 

 

 

Today I go to bed,

knowing now,

this life is my future.

There is no one for me.

 

 

 

I have tried

Oh, how I have tried

To find the embrace of a lover,

to whom I belong.

 

 

 

From beginning to end,

I have done all,

in power and might,

to be a lover of legends.

 

 

 

To make memories that last,

be there no matter what,

a strong attractive soul,

protecting her from harm.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

4.

 

Horny, filthy creatures,

you humans.

You have forgotten love,

and instead fuck fuck fuck.

Of Stan’s bondage you are born.

 

 

 

Your lust and hunger

for the sucking and licking

of genitalia

clouds your mind from love.

 

 

 

With mouth given by God,

to speak his words,

you succumb to pleasures of fellatio.

 

 

 

And with tongue to taste,

flavours of life,

you lick erections,

the monument of Sin.

 

 

 

Did you flesh ever stop to think,

if what you feel is love,

or the penetration of a cock?

 

 

 

No.

Because you are still alone.

And sad.

And afraid.

Because the man in your arms,

is not the one for you.

 

 

 

Don’t you see –

your destiny lies with him.

That is why you are left alone.

 

 

 

5.

 

How ironic it is that a man with a golden heart,

and love for plenty,

will remain lost and forgotten,

because all other his age are lovers.

 

 

 

If he turns to the young,

untainted youths wishing for love,

the Blue men will come,

and the hammer will fall.

 

 

 

Is that wrong?

Can one writes laws for love?

Can one write laws for human desire?

Can one write laws for human will and lust?

 

 

 

No.

We suffer.

Because I am a sheep,

in the herd of law,

where love and lust,

become solitude and hurt.

 

 

 

I had my time.

To be young and alive,

yet back then,

they sneered at my face,

deeming me less than them.

 

 

 

Now they suffer,

because I have risen above,

where pain is even greater.

 

 

 

They want to look up,

at where I am,

and take my hand,

to share my supremacy.

 

 

 

Yet they don’t,

because of false bonds,

they refuse to break,

in the public eye,

but scour and hate,

when sleeping with another,

behind false doors.

 

 

 

I know this to be true.

 

 

 

The deceitful liars cheat,

and betray,

they deceive,

and pretend all is right.

 

 

 

I’m not like that.

I love,

and never hurt,

and never betray.

 

 

 

Why am I left alone?

 

 

 

6.

 

Dawn shatters the blackest night.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

you can leave your first,

and break your promise,

to be happy.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

that you do not belong,

and by leaving him,

you will both stop crying,

stop longing,

stop wishing,

for something that will never be.

 

 

 

Unless you trust yourself,

and leave,

to be with the one you love,

the one you think of,

and long for,

you will never wake up with a smile.

 

 

 

I hope that one day you realise,

we belong,

you and I.

 

 

 

I hope that the day you realise,

I belong to you,

won’t be during our appointed time,

with Death,

to whom I am heading.

 

 

 

His scythe appears above.

I wander towards him.

Alone.

 

 

 

I look around the void,

with no memories to call treasures,

with no memories of true love,

with no memories of a happy state,

and I wonder –

 

 

 

Why was I left alone?

 

 

 

– F H Hakansson

 

 

8 thoughts on “Dead lover’s scribbles.

  1. WHY ARE THERE NO FRICKING COMMENT ON THIS POST?

    i know it’s long, it really is. It’s like a story.
    And it just has one super big twist in there. At part 4, you all of a sudden write angry words, and really direct and sexual.
    and it’s the only one which doesn’t end with ‘Why am I left Alone?’.
    nr 2 really turns dark there in the end..
    What i really wanted to say is that woman must have hurt you bad, but then I reconsidered, and really. It’s you hurting yourself. And no one can lighten up your pain now is it?

    1. yes, it’s just like a story! 😀
      It is loosely based on my own life to be honest. I imagined a possible future for me where I would be left alone.
      The protagonist is left alone because the one he loved cheated on him. He tries to fall in love again but cannot – mainly because all the women he falls for already have lovers, husbands, and boyfriends. Yet the protagonist sees that they are not happy in their relationships and that they would rather be with him.
      This as well comes from experience. I cannot even recall the number of times I have become familiar with girls saying straight to my face “If only I had met you sooner” because they were already with someone. It made me sad and angry because in most cases I felt they were not well coupled and that the only reason they were a couple was because they were both afraid to be left alone, unloved, unable to have sex all the time. Yet such couples always end up cheating on their significant other. Something I have witnessed many times as well.

      So I tried to picture ahead… The protagonist grows older and becomes more successful in his career (thus he rises above everyone else) but as a person grows older the harder it is to find “good” singles to marry. That is when the protagonist realises he must turn to younger people but that he does not want to be seen as immoral by dating younger women and curses people for their narrow view on age and that one cannot limit love and sex by age and numbers.

      The narrator eventually grows old and dies alone. As he does he thinks back to all the women he met who would rather be with him but refused to leave their significant other.

      In those final moment he wishes people would just let go and be honest with themselves. Because if only a single woman would love the protagonist he would have given her everything she ever wanted. It is, however, too late…

      To explain it briefly 😛

    1. I don’t think so either. I’m not alone right now (luckily). I just ended up in a depressive state when I wrote that and wanted to get things off my chest. Which is a good thing because I got this poem 😀

  2. I swear I’ve read this before. It sounds familiar. I’m 100% sure that there is a soul mate for every single person on this planet (oh, check out the rhyme! mate-planet … er it doesn’t actually rhyme a lot).
    Hey just wondering, did you edit this before posting it?

    1. If I edited the poem? Yes I always do. But as I’ve mentioned before, I’m very bad a self editing haha. I’m blind to my own errors 😛 so if you see anything I should change just tell me!

      1. Here’s a secret: 99% of my posts are never actually edited. Okay, let’s change that to 90%. I find editing annoying and at most times pointless (unless spelling mistakes and grammar).

      2. Really? Well I hardly edit posts for anything else than removing spelling and grammar mistakes (which I have a lot of!) but every now and again I change a whole sentence or stanza to something better. I kind of have a rule that I can change any posts as long as it’ within 24h of its publication 😀 haha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s